Blawg 2: The Blawgening

By Tom Barker

It has been two months since the Fellows Program started, and it has been a frighteningly busy and tumultuous time. I nearly wrote a rant about the current political situation in America, but decided against it. In short, nobody listens to anybody else because nobody cares about anyone else. We either find self-righteousness in our “sensitivity” but simultaneously become what we hate or we try to pretend that the problems we face aren’t really there, which is incredibly insulting and demeaning to those in distress. Nobody wants to listen to anyone else and run the risk of having to reconsider their worldview, never mind the notion that a tested faith is a stronger faith. It would be nice if people actually started trying to learn from each other rather than shouting them down, but that’s probably not gonna happen.

Now that my political views are out of the way, you should breathe a sigh of relief, that could have been much longer and harsher. Being amongst the Fellows has provided many opportunities to see different perspectives, to ask and be asked many tough, insightful questions. I like my job, I work for two people whose who mission in life is to show God’s love to those who don’t normally get the chance to experience it. The opportunity to study scripture in our classes and learn as much theology as possible has been one of the highlights of the program for me. Now, I can at last be a know-it-all about some complicated topics, which is one of my dreams. God has continued to grow me up over the last two months, and I am excited to see where He’s got me up to when this year ends. I must keep leveling-up. Need to improve those spiritual development skills.   

Shine Before All Men

By Tony Nguyen

“The light that shines farthest, shines brightest.” –C.T. Studd

I’ve never heard anyone say, “I grow the most in my comfort zone.” Never. I don’t believe I ever will nor do I believe that myself or anyone should desire to stay in our comfort zone forever. Why? Because it is guaranteed that we will face an opportunity to grow when out of it. It’s like the analogy of a fish out of water; a fish perhaps will never understand that it is wet and in water if it never leaves the water into the open air. Such is the same for us men if we are to never leave our routine circumstances or situations.

A few weeks ago the Lord had really convicted me to step out of my comfort zone and engage with people whom I normally don’t engage with. Through my work, I ended up sitting in on a lecture and the speaker was a transgender pastor. The pastor spoke about faith, gender, the blind hatred and antagonist forces LGBT men/women face, etc. Side note: If you want to know the kind of guy I am, I initially showed up because the hosts were serving chips and guac… Anywho, the point is that I realized I refuse to acknowledge people who I presuppose do not hold the same beliefs that I do. I realized that I am not inclined to give certain people the time of day and listen to their story because I think I’m right and they’re wrong and that means they are beneath me.

Man, am I a jerk.

Earlier that week the Fellows and I went to listen to the testimony of a couple involved in full time outreach ministry. This couple have spent much of their life running with crowds whom I assume most “typical” Christian people don’t hang around with; for them it’s been actors/actresses, artists, LGBT folk, BLM activists, etc. Through their testimony they challenged my co-Fellows and I to put ourselves in those uncomfortable situations. They encouraged us to live like Jesus did, how he dined with tax collectors and fellowshipped with prostitutes—people on the margins. Of course they weren’t encouraging us to ditch our beliefs in Christ and to pick up immoral lifestyles whatever the case may be, but they pointed out to me that if we don’t step out and engage our neighbor, we’re no better than the worst sinner. We’d be no better than the Essenes of Ancient Near East, an ancient group Israelites who thought it better to recede from society and be their own holy hamlet instead of engaging their neighbors and their corrupt brethren in faith.

With all this in mind I’m sure an array of emotions can be evoked, but I encourage you to bring to mind a sense of empathy and humility. This is not a call to drop all that we know of God’s goodness and let ourselves be swayed to and fro by the waves of the culture we live in. Instead, this is a call to let your light shine before men so that they will see your good deeds and glorify your Father who is in Heaven.

Hearken to His Voice

By Rachel Yowell

Oh, that today you would hearken to His voice! Psalm 95:7

I’m not sure why, but out of everything we’ve ever recited from the Common Book of Prayer, this line is what sticks out to me the most. For the life of me, I can’t remember Thanks be to God, alleluia! Alleluia! but I can remember this verse. Hearken to His voice. Oh, that today that is what you would do: hearken to His voice. Today. I think there is a part of my life that the Lord is using it to speak into.

Among numerous other thoughts, one that has been on my mind recently is why God doesn’t tell us clearly what He wants us to do, and what His will for us is. Why doesn’t He give us a blatant, obtrusive sign that tells us what to do with our lives, what direction to go, what His plan for us is. If I just knew, without a shadow of a doubt what exactly He wanted me to do and how and where, I’ll do it! Why isn’t it that clear? Why is it uncomfortable, and dare I say even frustrating at times? Freedom. I think that’s the answer – freedom. Freedom is what we all want (freedom to make decisions, freedom to be ourselves, etc.) The funny thing is, I think maybe too much freedom scares us. How dare God let us have the freedom to make choices! What a funny thought. If the answer was clear, cut and dry, I don’t think I would seek the Lord and His heart nearly as much as I would if I actually had to rely on Him and place my trust in Him. If a clear answer is what I’m seeking the most, I’ve missed the point completely, even if my intentions for knowing the answer are good. And because God loves us so and actually cares for us, He gives us the freedom to choose to love Him. He gave us the freedom to choose Him in every choice we make. I think God loves adventure. He is all about the journey. And that is exactly what this is. Making decisions about our future and discerning what the Lord’s will for our lives are takes us on a journey where we get to lean into the Lord, listen, and enjoy the ride. I think this adventure takes us deeper into the heart of God and discovering more about Him. It allows us to sit in His presence. What’s cool is that while I’m sitting here trying to figure out life, God already knows what is going to happen – He has known for a long time! I have missed the point because I have desired knowing the answer more than knowing God more deeply and desiring Him above all else. God wants us to enjoy Him and He wants us to enjoy the journey. One thing I know for sure is I am called to love people. There are times I don’t always feel like it, and there are plenty of times that I don’t do such a great job of it, but I know that nothing makes my heart beat faster, nothing draws me closer to Jesus than the thought of glorifying God through loving people. My question for next year is how and in what setting I will love people. While I get so caught up in asking what His will for my future is, I should hearken to His voice today, and ask what His will is for me today, right now. Oh, that today you would hearken to His voice! How sweet that is. I am taking these next few months to enjoy the journey with God. I’m thankful for the freedom to love Him and to fall more in love with Him along the journey.  

Rhythm of Rest

By Tressa Czysz

This year we are focusing on five main rhythms of life. By living in these rhythms this year, the goal is for them to become both habitual, and something that we see as beneficial as we grow and prepare for the many years to come. These five rhythms are: worship, prayer, work, study, and Sabbath. The first four I would say that I am relatively comfortable with -they are pretty straightforward and are pretty structured at least to the extent of where and when we meet and what the general expectations are. However, that last one is the one that I anticipate being the trickiest for this year. Something about growing up in a culture where there's always more to be done and where being busy is not only the norm, but gains you respect and communicates to others that you are important because of all the things you have to do and the places you have to be, makes it difficult to wrap my mind around leaving time aside in my schedule to do things that aren't necessarily "productive". I use quotes there because I recognize that taking time to intentionally rest, to pray and to play, is actually extremely healthy and helps us to be even more productive when we got back to work or whatever else is going on in our busy lives.

So with that in mind, I hope to learn what good rest looks like more and more as the weeks go by. Some weekends rest may be spending a few hours kayaking on the lake, some weekends rest may be reading books for fun, some weekends rest may be taking a trip to visit friends or family, or exploring someplace new. Resting will probably look a little bit different each weekend, but there will also be some recurring themes: getting outside to enjoy God's beautiful creation, spending time alone to recharge my introverted self in preparation for busy weeks, time with fellows and friends playing games, going places, or doing something that results in lots of laughter, and slowing down long enough to be reminded of my identity in Christ and that all that I do is done out of Salvation, not for Salvation. 


This idea of Sabbath and rest also ties in well with my one word prayer for the year: listen. I am waiting in expectation to see how God will teach me to better listen as I seek to find rest in him.  I think part of that overlap will come especially when I take time to reflect on the week and all that I have heard and learned in order to better absorb and better understand what God is saying to me and what he wants me to take away each week.

"Blawging"

Written by Tom Barker

Generally, I do not like the notion of blogging. I see it as attention seeking. Why should I expect people to want to read what I have to say about my mundane life as though I think I have wisdom other people need? Now, if you’re going on a big trip or doing a year-long Fellows Program and people want to hear about your adventures, that’s a reason. So, I’ll do it because you ask. Because I love you, mystery reader, except Winston. You know what you did.

After losing every single one of my marbles sitting around this summer waiting for something to happen, starting the Fellows Program was a refreshing, if jarring, breath of fresh air. When I am worn down I get bitter, when I get bitter I get angry, then suspicious, when all that happens I withdraw emotionally and grow cold and shy. I fully expected to feel very out-of-place in the Fellows Program. Because this is a self-fulfilling prophecy, that was the case, for about a day. Then I woke up and suddenly remembered: “Oh, right. I actually like people! I forgot.” After my epiphany, I quickly came to realize that every single person involved with the Fellows Program was an exceptionally likeable and kind person.

We spent much of the next week learning too much about ourselves, understanding our Myers-Briggs and our five big Strengths and Weaknesses. I’m an INFJ, which is apparently the rarest personality type. Shortly thereafter, we began our jobs. I work as a marketing intern for a non-profit organization called City 616. Their mission is to develop community and share God’s love with every person they can find, especially those who aren’t likely to find that anywhere else. I spent much of the first week worried about my own future and financial situation. It turns out adults seem to function as middlemen between those who pay them and those who need to be paid (like insurance companies and Fellows programs that require tuition in order to function). 

 Soon it was pointed out me that the question I needed to be asking working at a Christian ministry wasn’t “Am I going to be okay at the end of this year?” it was “What can I do to share God’s love this year?” I’m sure that would be more constructive than the self-centered alternative, maybe like writing a blog post because I think I’m cool versus doing it because other people care. Maybe I can do things for the right reason rather than selfishly, but only with help, preferably from an all-powerful deity named God.

A Modern Parable

written by Darren Faber

A Modern Parable

The year was 1968.

While writing a sermon about the Good Samaritan, an evangelical pastor drifted to sleep at his desk.

...

In the dream that followed, Jesus appeared to him, and gave him license to ask any question he desired.

Because the pastor had been reading the story of the good samaritan, he could think of no other question than “Lord, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

Jesus replied, “What is written in the Gospels?”

As if he were following a script, he answered, “ Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.”

“You have answered Correctly”, Jesus replied, “Do this and you will live.”

But the man already knew this, and felt that, as a pastor, he had fulfilled this duty quite well. So looking for more specific insights, and wishing to establish in his mind that he was on the right track, he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

In reply Jesus Said: “A Black Evangelical Pastor was driving to a demonstration in Birmingham, when he was set upon by KKK members. They stole his car, stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A baptist minister happened to be attending a conference in the same town. When he saw the man, he drove his car on the other side. So too, an evangelical pastor came to the place and saw him, and passed by on the other side.

But a secular humanist, as he traveled, came to where the man was, and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds. Then he put the man in his own car, and took him to the hospital. He stayed with the man through the night. The next day, he payed all the man’s medical expenses, and made arrangements for the man to get safely back home.

"Which of these three do you think proved a neighbor to the Pastor who fell into the hands of the KKK?"

The evangelical pastor replied “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise”.

After saying this, Jesus faded from view. The Pastor slowly opened his eyes. Needing to sort out the meaning of the dream, he rose from his desk, and went to fetch the newspaper.

The headline, blazoned in all capitals, read, “KING MURDERED!”

The Pastor dropped the paper, walked back to his desk, and resumed the writing of his sermon . . .

I am Racist (and you may be too)

written by Darren Faber

A Prayer Attributed to St. Francis

Lord, make us instruments of your peace. Where there is hatred, let us sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is discord, union; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy. Grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” - Matthew 5:43-48

I am Racist (And you may be too)

No matter where you stand in relation to the political or economic divide, one thing should be clear- inequality is a pervasive problem, both in Greensboro, and throughout the United States. We hear the tag lines, usually coming from the left, about issues of mass incarceration, income inequality, and educational inequality, and we usually have some sort of visceral reaction to these words. Our opinions on the issues come ready formed, finding their source in our ingrained ideological orientation, connected to our emotional state at the time of hearing. This happens regardless of whether we respond favorably or unfavorably to such conversations. But given the current context (Greensboro, NC) that we fellows are in, and the current month (Black History month), I think it is important that we reflect on some possible sources of racial inequality, as it manifests itself first in our community, and what said inequality reveals about the unequal structures in the country at large. Even though we cannot disassociate ourselves from our history of conditioned response, I hope that we might become instruments of God’s peace in the current context- That we might seek to understand the perspective and pain of the poor and marginalized. I hope that we might give them our ears, pardon them their difference, and die to our prerogative to be in the position of ideological control. I pray we might learn, first from an investigation of our own experiences, the roots of racism within our very selves. May this understanding open us up to possible partial solutions to the problems raised in the digging.

Possible Roots of My Racism: Loneliness and Insecurity

I am lonely. I want to escape this loneliness. I am fixated on my own experience of loneliness, and think that by finding people who have much in common with me, and building strong relationships with them - sharing experiences together, and encountering one another in a variety of ways- I will find a cure to my loneliness. I derive a sense of identity from my relationship with those who I find to keep my insecurity at bay. We build a cultural Identity out of our common likes and dislikes, and our differences and similarities push and pull on one another, strengthening the bonds between us.

When I feel alone amidst a sea of strangers, I often start by looking for people who I assume will already accept me. If I cannot find a friend, I look for an acquaintance. If I cannot find an acquaintance, I look for those who have some visible marker that makes me assume that they are safe to approach. This could be a conversation I overhear that is on a topic with which I am familiar . . . However, this often is more conditioned by assumptions I make about their appearance, posture, or the sound of their voice. To use the words of Christ, I rarely do more than seek the love of those who I believe will love me in return.

However, this impulse to seek sameness is narcissism under the guise of community, for it produces passive exclusivism. Everyone becomes focused on themselves, finding ways of satisfying their own need for connection and acceptance.

Enter Church of the Redeemer

I then enter church of the redeemer - a place with a consistently present refugee community. They offer what most churches in the area do not- cultural diversity. Yet, who do I first look for when I arrive? Where do my eyes fall? They rest on the people I already know- the fellows. They are my shelter from the storm of loneliness in the world. I run to them because I know them and they know me. Only rarely do my eyes ever rest upon a refugee. On the times when they do, I feel a sense of guilt at my relational inability to overcome the discomfort of difference long enough to make a new friend.

And this very act of resting my eyes on some people and not others is a root of racism in me. My prerogative to seek similarity in an effort to shore up my sense of self importance makes evident the narcissism that hides behind many of my acts of self-giving.

All the while, those refugees who experience a linguistic/cultural barrier feel loneliness amidst a sea of strangers who, because of their own insecurities, cannot show hospitality to those who feel they do not belong. And unlike me, those on the margins do not feel the cultural power to approach me. If I am to meet them- to make them feel the welcome that I also long for, I must be the one to go through the discomfort of taking the first step.

However, as I have said, I am too focused on assuaging my own sense of loneliness to even think of possibly approaching them. I am self-oriented, even in my most sociable moments. I am focused on meeting my own needs.

This phenomena at play within me also helps explain why particular members of the refugee community stop attending Redeemer on a weekly basis. Refugees, who are passed by every Sunday, eventually stop going to church. They stop going, in part, for this very reason- they feel more alone in the midst of a sea of people that do not see them than they do at home, where they cannot be seen. They would rather not spend time in a place that reveals to them their status as outsiders. How do we begin the practice of hospitality toward those we assume will not assuage our loneliness? How do we become attuned to the emotional state of those who are left out? How do we begin the process of loving those who, for whatever reason, find it difficult to love us in return?

I don’t have a succinct or satisfying answer to this question. No matter how many friends I make from various backgrounds, I cannot envision a future for myself that does not seek a space of acceptance from those I assume will accept me. However,  I think a partial answer lay in the words attributed to Saint Francis of Assisi.

“Grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.”

If the problem of my racism is rooted in my own insecurity, then maybe the solution lay in finding my security in something other than the community that makes me feel at home. How do I turn my loneliness from something that produces anxiety into something that produces strength? How do I develop a space within myself in which others feel welcome? How do I become one who receives in the giving, is consoled in the act of consoling, and finds security in the process of securing a space for the left out within my world?

The sunday school answer, of course, is Jesus. He is the one who often stands alone without being lonely, and creates an oasis of hospitality within himself in which all are welcome. He did not experience loneliness as insecurity, but as a time in which to commune with his father. When I am secured through spending time with God in solitude, it is easier to approach those I perceive as different. When my Identity is secure in him, acceptance follows. But the Identity cultivated in solitude with God is never a comfortable one. He is always calling us to greater acceptance and expression of love. He is always pushing the boundaries of our world, and this is uncomfortable.

However, this discomfort is a mirror. As long as we only spend time with those who are just like us, although it may assuage our loneliness in the short term, we never really come to know ourselves and our vulnerability.  In our weakness, in the misunderstandings that arise from rubbing shoulders with those that are not us and are not like us, we come to truly know ourselves. That discomfort is what helps us to grow.  It is the soil that spurs us to life. Coming to know oneself in God is something that requires intention, attention, and time staring our sense of fragility in the face. It requires struggle against our feelings of insecurity, and forces us to embrace others.

“Natural” Segregation

If you resonate with my partial account of racism within myself, then the steps that follow make sense. Most churches and communities are cultural clubs, in which we practice love toward those who we know will reciprocate. A facet of Cultural/linguistic/Economic segregation could follow from this basic insecurity/fear. We fool ourselves into thinking that we are not racists because we have a friend that is an ethnic minority, or because we hold no active negative feelings toward others. However, where we go to for support reveals much about our true orientation toward diversity. Beyond this, It explains why our churches are divided along cultural lines. It helps to explain why Businesses’ reflex is to hire those who are a good “cultural” fit for the company. If we find ourselves within the groups with the most cultural power, we no longer even see those who are on the margins, because our time is always spent in the company of those who inform and affirm our identity. We move from one social group to another, passing by the people that do not hold our attention all along the way. One such group that many rarely listen to, and almost never see, and yet have been present in American life from the very beginning, is that of the African American community. Their history runs parallel to our own. Yet, by in large, their perspective on our history is unimportant and unseen by the rest of America. Are we willing to cultivate enough security in God that we begin to build relationships with those who have always been present, but perennially passed over? How do we begin the process of listening to their voices? How do we address their questions and concerns? How would this change our political Identity? How would this change our economic position? How would becoming vulnerable to the concerns of the marginalized in our backyard change our priorities?

What does it look like to love the neighbor that one never sees?