I am from the Sunshine State. But sometimes the sunshine don’t shine. It didn’t when we were in sunny, sunny Florida a couple of weeks ago. But that fact didn’t prevent our Fellows community from enjoying one another on an exciting adventure hundreds of miles from Greensboro. It was 65 degrees (as opposed to 20 North Carolina), and cloudy, and sometimes rainy, but we still had a great time building our friendships and enjoying the good world our God has made, resting in Him together.
Sadly our noble leader Tripp Graziano was otherwise occupied, preparing for the annual Greensboro Fellows Banquet (which you should come to if you’re able!), and our noble friend Kevin Palcsak was busy getting engaged (rock on!), so they were sadly unable to join us in our gallivanting escapade. But all the same, the rest of the Fellows (and Kinsley’s boyfriend Andrew, who is my new contract bridge partner… don’t judge, we’re not old ladies) traveled down to Florida and spent a couple days at beach-side home that my family owns in Anna Maria, FL. Then most of the fellows went to Universal Studio’s Islands of Adventure in Orlando and had great fun on roller coasters, seeing Harry Potter/buying magic wands, and walking upside down in Seuss Landing. Emily, Libby and I went to St. Petersburg that day and visited my family and hung out at my house. It was a tremendous blessing to be home, even for such a brief period.
I am happy to report that time spent on the beach is a soothing balm for the soul; I believe for me and the entire community. The Greensboro Fellows is not a program for the faint of heart. The close community, challenging life situations, and sinful nature of the human heart all combine to make the Fellows program a pressure cooker. As the Scriptures say, God refines us to look like His Son Jesus through trials, that our faith may be as pure as gold refined by fire. That has very much been my experience in the program. But no matter how beautiful we expect the gold on the other side of the fire to be, flames hurt. And, because of pain, I have found myself at times questioning the goodness of God - His presence and His care. It’s not so much that I haven’t believed intellectually as I have hurt existentially. As much as I love God, in the midst of life and sin I can feel distant from Him.
But thanks be to God that He doesn’t leave us alone! I had a meeting with my mentor Ben Sharpe (an Anglican priest in Winston Salem, NC) just before the trip. He said that one of the characteristic signs of the lies of the evil one are nihilistic feelings and thoughts. Why should we feel so alone? Isn’t there evidence to the contrary? Didn’t Jesus die for us? Aren’t the Fellows, or friends and family, loving and supporting us each day, however imperfectly? Why should we say “it’s only the times I feel depressed and alone that are ‘real’”? Why should we discount the times we feel loved, supported, and accepted?Father Ben’s greatest wisdom: “the trump card is nature. Go sit out under the stars for a half hour. See the order, the beauty, the transcendence. Let it into your soul. And then see how you feel. Then see where your thoughts turn.” Well, I can say that worshiping on the beach is just as good as the stars. Hearing a regular rhythm of gentle waves across white sand, feeling a calm breeze, smelling the salty sea, it all reminded me of how beautiful and tremendous the God of the universe is.
He is not always serene. Sometimes waves crash, sometimes wind becomes a tornado, sometimes the sea smells of death. But for the Fellows on our trip to Florida, God brought us into a rest that He purchased at infinite cost through the death of His Son Jesus. I am eternally grateful. If you don’t know that rest, I would commend God’s Wisdom to you: go look at the stars, or stand on the beach. Play the trump card. The Glory of God will break through into your heart.
“The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.” Psalm 19:1
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