Monday, December 11, 2017

ADVENT REFLECTION by Anne Spooner

Last week, in one of our Fellows classes, we were drawn back to the Magnificat – Mary’s Song. The conversation sparked my interest, and I found myself mulling over the mysterious and complex role of Mary in the narrative of Christ’s birth. Could it be that we have lost some of the radiance of Mary’s life? Within her story there seems to be a promise for the ordinary days behind and ahead of us – that no act is shameful, or even insignificant, when done in obedience.

Surely there is much to be learned from the story of a woman who was chosen at the beginning of time to be the second woman to usher in a climactic shift – one that transferred us from Eve’s death to the life of Mary’s womb. Mary was a normal girl. Joseph was a normal guy. And God chose to come into the world through the projected shame of a teenage pregnancy. Has that ever struck you? God chose what was weak in the eyes of the world – a woman under the power of her family, reputation, and betrothal, to be the conduit of His Word.

The patriarchal structure of the culture at the time of Jesus’ birth was contrary to Mary’s relational and moral agency. The male voice had front and center stage. This was not unintentional on God’s part. Yet, to despairingly claim that the historical narrative is only male dominated is to disgrace and pity the strong female voice that has been speaking for thousands of years. The Christian narrative should be the place this is most clearly seen: it was not Moses who took the first step to free the Jews, but his mother who had faith. It was not Joseph who was asked to carry the physical weight of Jesus, but Mary. It was not men who were asked to first tell of the resurrection, but women. 

Rarely is it mentioned that the Creator of the universe chose a teenage pregnancy to be his first incarnational ministry. A woman was chosen to be the only person in the world God depended on for His development into the Person He would become. Her body, designed to protect, kept Jesus alive. The umbilical cord was not a spiritual reality, but one Mary could tangibly experience as the food she ate grew a Child who would set her free. This freedom was not just from the poverty of choice she most likely faced, but from herself. The widening of her womb and the tearing of her own flesh made the way for Christ. Through the tearing of His own flesh, Christ would rip the curtain that separated us from life. The images of are deliberate. Can you let yourself be awed by them?

What child is this, born in the arms of a teenage girl? This is Christ, who declared Mary’s broken body the instrument for redemption. This is Christ, who would be torn to provide a new way to life, through the blood and narrow way of salvation. This birth is the image we carry into our day. Nothing done in obedience is ordinary; it is all cosmic.

Made Flesh
After the bright beam of hot annunciation
Fused heaven with dark earth
His searing sharply-focused light
Went out for a while
Eclipsed in amniotic gloom:
His cool immensity of splendor
His universal grace
Small-folded in a warm dim
Female space—
The Word stern-sentenced to be nine months dumb—
Infinity walled in a womb
Until the next enormity—the Mighty,
After submission to a woman’s pains
Helpless on a barn-bare floor
First-tasting bitter earth.
Now, I in him surrender
To the crush and cry of birth.
Because eternity
Was closeted in time
He is my open door
To forever.
From his imprisonment my freedoms grow,
Find wings.
Part of his body, I transcend this flesh.
From his sweet silence my mouth sings.
Out of his dark I glow.
My life, as his,
Slips through death’s mesh,
Time’s bars,
Joins hands with heaven,
Speaks with stars.

Luci Shaw, A Widening Light: Poems of The Incarnation

Monday, December 4, 2017

ACT JUSTLY, LOVE MERCY, WALK HUMBLY by Mary Elizabeth Caldwell

The Fellows are taking turns sharing what God is doing their lives as they grow as disciples and leaders. This is from Mary Elizabeth Caldwell (more about her at the end):

The Greensboro Fellows year has provided a great opportunity to wrestle with how faith and work interact. For example, we have been learning about justice and mercy, and how to enact them in our individual lives. 

One weekend in November, the Greensboro Fellows joined 14 other Fellows programs from around the east coast at a conference, where the theme was Micah 6:8: “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

We learned walking humbly with God is the foundation for doing justice and loving mercy, and justice and mercy are really two sides to the same coin. You can’t have one without the other. The first is essentially making wrong things right, while the second adds compassion on top of it. 

The question posed to each of us: how do we carry out this Micah 6:8 mandate in our own lives? We fellows have done a lot of talking and thinking over this topic, but we also realized we have to act. 

In my own life, Micah 6:8 has played out very practically. For my internship, I have been at Hope Academy, a Christian middle school designed to spiritually mentor and academically boost 5ththrough 8th graders in a less-advantaged part of town. At Hope Academy, enacting mercy and justice looks like valuing those our culture says are less valuable based on appearance, age, social status, and/or academic abilities. This means showing them love and attention, learning their stories, beginning to understand their perspectives, seeing them as capable, and getting them to see themselves as capable. 

Over the last few months, I have been slowly learning how to do these things as my eyes are opened to this strong connection between what I believe about justice and mercy and how I live them out. However, the only way I can truly, genuinely do this is with God’s help. The key is that last line of the verse: “walk humbly with your God.” Without humility, priorities and motivations grow selfish, lazy, prideful, or any other similar thing. 

We can’t all change the world, but we CAN impact the situations surrounding us by identifying those areas of injustice and taking steps to right them.

Mary Elizabeth Caldwell graduated with an undergraduate degree in math and masters degree in teaching from University of Virginia. She was a leader in Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ) at UVA, and volunteers with Cru at UNCG in Greensboro. She loves to teach, tutor, mentor, and develop people. She swims for a hobby, and recently competed in a local swim meet. Her stability, wisdom, and kind heart is a gift to us all. 

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

WE ARE ALL BROKEN by Dodd Drake

"Honey, has no one told you it is ok to be broken? We are all broken. The ones to watch out for are those who don't know it"

Fil Anderson, with Journey Resources, shared with us today (Nov 8) during our "Faith at Work" lunch.  Our Gracious Abba has used Fil in powerful ways in many lives. I am honored to call him a friend. It was refreshing to hear him again. His humility and wisdom was like drinking from a snow fed mountain stream on a hot summer day.

The opening quote is from a wise woman Fil knew years ago. We are all broken. I know I am. The people who do the most damage (including ourselves) are the ones who do not walk humbly because they don't embrace their brokenness.  A vital part of our spiritual growth, and our ability to lead well, is to be aware of our brokenness. This is what draws us to Jesus, and enables us to serve and lead others in His healing love.

Here are some more insights from Fil today:

  • There is a difference of living FOR God verses living WITH God. (one is performance based--the other is relationship/abiding based)
  • We can be far better at telling others how to be with Jesus than actually being with Jesus ourselves. 
  • One of the first ways we minister to others is by listening to others. 
  • Be for people...like Jesus. When Jesus told Peter, "You are a rock," he was actually a crumbling mess. It is important we learn to be an encourager, to speak life into others, to call out the good we see in each other.
  • "Always have your nose in the Gospels."
  • We can learn a lot from St. Benedict and his plan for monastics under his care. He taught four key components for a rhythm of life: 1) Meaningful service and work; 2) Spiritual practices like worship, prayer, scripture reading, solitude and silence; 3) Rest/recreation; 4) Community
  • Spiritual disciplines are like "working on your tan." We don't really do much work to get a tan. We put ourselves in the presence of the sun, the sun does the work. The same way with spiritual practices, we put ourselves in the presence of the Son. Transformation is something being done to us, not by us. And this is not just your devotional time, but in all of your life...in all you do...learning to be in the Presence of Jesus Christ. 


I wanted to give a few nuggets for reflection. The wholeness, healing and life we long for is found in God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. We are all broken. It is ok to be broken. May our brokenness lead us to Jesus with deep hunger and thirst. May we lead others into His healing love. 

Dodd Drake
Director of Greensboro Fellows



Thursday, May 11, 2017

The Magic of Experience

By Tressa Czysz
As I look back on the last 8 months, it's hard to find a way to sum it all up. And I think that's okay. Sure, I could make a list of all the fun trips we took, or rehearse our weekly schedule, or even share excerpts from what I've journaled this year, either in church, in class, listening to people's stories, or just reflecting on it all. But for me, the beauty isn't really in the details of what happened or fully captured by the pictures that we took; I think my favorite memories are the ones that were just experienced. It's the things that you couldn't really explain to someone else, those "you had to be there" moments that make other people roll their eyes, that are really special. 
Because every time that someone told a joke, it was the laughter that echoed throughout the room that was worth cherishing, even if I don't remember the joke or how to deliver it.
Closing morning prayer and family dinner with the Lord's prayer and the doxology was special for more than just the words that we recited, but the fact that we all came together and spoke and sang with one heart.  T
he fruit of week after week of seminary classes was in the conversations that occurred outside and beyond the classroom based on what we had learned and the things that we were wrestling with and trying to understand, and realizing that sometimes the greatest understanding is coming to the conclusion that some things are meant to be beyond our comprehension.  The sweetest part that I've found is having a mentor is sharing life, the ups, the downs, the questions, and the mess; no formula for mentoring will ever beat wholeheartedly welcoming someone into your home week after week to experience life together.
Even as I prepare to leave for Rwanda, I plan to take pictures and to journal about the whole experience, but I also know that there are sights that cannot be captured by a picture, and there are stories and experiences that cannot be summed up in a few journal pages. So much of life is lived in between -whether in the car traveling from place to place, or in the moments that don't seem significant enough to capture in a picture, but that fill all the spaces of our lives. There is a degree to which the best way for me to capture a moment is to just live it, and that is ultimately what I hope to do. Maybe I'll return from Rwanda with a handful of pictures and a few pages more filled up in my journal, but I'll get to look back and say that all things considered, I was present and experienced each portion of the trip to the fullest extent that I could. 

And I will look back on this year as a Fellow, and I will think of all the things that I should have written down, or the pictures that I should have taken, and I'll smile and remember that as I step into this next chapter, the greatest things that I carry with me are the relationships that I've built and the experiences that I've walked through. The pictures and journals stacked on the shelves may be covered in dust and someday lost, but who I have grown to be can never be worn out, faded, or lost. 

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Living Different: To Know the Good is to Do the Good


"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples,
if you love one another"
- John 13:35
"You are the light of the world.
A city built on a hill cannot be hidden.
Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.
Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.
In the same way, let your light shine before others,
that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."
- Matthew 5:14-16
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:
to look after orphans and widows in their distress
and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
- James 1:27

By Tony Nguyen

Through all my Friday morning's reading at Green Joe's, talking scripture and theology on Wednesday morning's, and digesting sermons from Sundays, I have come to realize this truth which has yet to leave my mind since I've began my time in North Carolina:
Life in Christ isn't just meant to be talked about or studied, but lived.
Though there is certainly a place for Christian academia and discussion (coming from a guy who works for biblical/theological scholars), I am making the point that none of that matters unless Christians live radically different from everyone else.
-Cooper-River-Bridge-Run-Greensboro-Fellows
GSO Fellows after Cooper River Bridge 10K in Charleston, SC
Of the several books I've read recently is one by my boss and beloved brother in the faith, Dr. Benjamin S. Wall, titled Welcome as a Way of Life: A Practical Theology of Jean VanierThrough Dr. Wall's theological appraisal of Jean Vanier and L'Arche,  the Fellows and I have had the opportunity to discuss the notions of welcome, care, hospitality, and what it means to live in community. (If you want to know how those conversations have been, ask me, ask a fellow, Dr. Wall, or better yet, buy the book!)

My point is, now that you, my fair reader, know that my friends and I have wrestled with the ideas of welcome, care, and community, it would be reasonable that you should expect out of any one of us to act in ways that are, to some noteworthy degree, care-full and welcoming (especially to the marginalized).
Furthermore, my hope is not simply that you would have one pleasant interaction with myself or some other who has mulled over such material. As a matter of fact, one act of hospitality alone from myself would make me an utter failure if I am striving to be a welcoming person. Rather, the greater success is, if one were keen to notice, that I would systematically do things in a welcoming, caring, and hospitable fashion over and over. Only then would I or anyone in this example be worthy to be described as virtuously welcoming, caring, or whatever other virtuous quality.

Aristotle puts it more articulately in his Nicomachean Ethics:
Applied to Welcome as a Way of Life, one becomes hospitable by exercising hospitality. Caring by performing actions carefully. Furthermore, one gains empathy for the disabled by being in routine contact with a person with a disablity. Kate Black, who has hosted the Fellows for dinner once a week for the past four years, is a perfect example of someone who is delightfully hospitable and welcoming. Cheers to you Kate!
On the morning of April 17th, Will Dungee, a friend and also pastor of Grace Community Church graciously led us Fellows in a morning devotional on being in step with the Holy Spirit.  He read Galatians 5 and reminded us of the fruits of the Spirit, which are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Again, speaking in the Aristotelian spirit, one becomes loving by doing loving things, joyous by doing things joyfully, gentle by exercising gentleness, etc. Likewise, it would seem the classical Greek philosopher Socrates has convictions similar to those of Christians striving to cultivate Godly virtues. He says:
"To know the good is to do the good" - Socrates
Someone who has become a hero of mine recently and certainly "knew and did the good" is the late Dietrich Bonhoeffer. The Rev. Dr. Bonhoeffer was a German Lutheran pastor and theologian who lived in the time of Hitler's rise to power during WWII and, in light of his experience with churches in America passionately living out their faith, Bonhoeffer, was convinced he could not be a professing Christian and leave his compatriots to suffer alone in Germany. To that end, he left America to return to Germany where he would, among many great tasks, lead the Church and stand in solidarity with the Jews knowing full well he could die for his faith, which happened on April 9th, 1945 when he was hung at Flossenbürg Concentration camp dying at age 39.
Much earlier than Bonhoeffer did the heroes of the Bible understand that faith in the Lord manifests in the form of calls into obedient action: Moses led the Israelites out of slavery, Jesus' disciples fed the thousands, Peter walked on water, and Jesus himself hung on a cross in faithfulness to the Father.
IMG_0103
Fellows and Friends at Lewis Barbecue in Charleston, SC
May I encourage you (and myself, for that matter) to return to the words from Hebrews 11 which recounts the works of those who've gone before us. Alternatively, I exhort you to remember from 1 John:
"We know love by this, that he laid down his life for us
--and we ought to lay down our lives for one another."
- 1 John 3:16
The Gospel, the story of how the God of Israel is revealing to fallen creation His kingship of it through the death and resurrection of Christ, has convinced saints over the millennia to lives extraordinarily peculiar and radical.  That call is still the same for believers today. Drawing from Matthew 5:
  • Christians are not to be well-wishers,
    but to be well-bringers.
  • We are not called to just want peace,
    but to bring peace wherever or to whomever we go.
  • We are called not just to want racial reconciliation,
    but to actually fellowship and do life with brothers of color (or lack thereof).
  • We are called both to pray and to be the answer to another's prayer.
"Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven..."
- Matthew 5:12a
Joy is one of the fruits of the Spirit. Christ calls us to act joyfully, that is, in joy. I find that joy is what sets the actions of a Christian apart from any others'. Not only is the Christ follower called to have faith, but he is compelled to show it by his lifestyle and actually is commanded to take pleasure in all he does for God!
How often have I looked back at myself doing something out of obedience but not joy and imagining how grumpy I must've appeared to others.
Now, there are many circumstances which God calls us into that are everything but joyous. I'm not saying we should laugh or smile in the first instances after a loved one dies. It would be abnormal not to express any sort of grief. What I am saying is that in all expressions of faith, it should be with a desire to be satisfied in the risen Lord.
It should bring Christians great delight in doing God's will.

Father Boules George of St. Mark's Church in Tanta, Egypt (one of two which suffered bomb attacks from terrorists this past Palm Sunday) seems to know a thing or two about having joy in the Lord even in the wake of tragedy. Assuming you clicked the link and watched the video, that is an exemplar of the faith God requires.
In closing, know the words of the prophet Micah:
"He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, love kindness,
and walk humbly with your God?"
- Micah 6:8

Blessings,
TBN

Monday, April 10, 2017

Growth

By Buddy Hocutt

            In a word, the principle function of the Greensboro Fellows Program is growth. The entire program is structured in a way that fosters growth in a variety of forms: spiritually, professionally, mentally, emotionally, relationally, etc. Internships play a part in that, as do volunteer hours, seminary courses, host homes, mentors, morning prayer, Tuesday dinner, Sunday worship, trips, retreats, and Rwanda.

            That's a lot of stuff to fit into a nine-month program. Each piece functions differently and all to varying degrees of success. They do work in concert, though, because of the one common denominator between them: people. More than anything, the goal of the Greensboro Fellows Program staff is to surround the Greensboro Fellows with the best folks out there; folks who have reached the pinnacle of their profession; folks who have changed the world; folks who have great wisdom; and folks who have made mistakes, learned from them, and prospered.

            I am not one of those people. Granted, my business card does say “Greensboro Fellows Assistant Director...” but that's a bit of a misnomer. Anything remotely related to the word “director” assumes a knowledge and wisdom that I'm not sure I have. It also assumes experience and a certain authority that know I don't have. Yet, somehow, I finagled my way into the position of Assistant Director of the Greensboro Fellows Program and here we are.

            Less than a year ago, mind you, I was a Greensboro Fellows myself, having my mind blown by the wisdom of those best folks out there. How then, and with what, am I supposed to lead a new group of Fellows barely 12 months later? I wish I could say I had some epiphany or that the Holy Spirit spoke through me, but I don't think that's the case (although someone else would be a better judge of that).

            The real answer is that I've been building the plane as I fly and learning a lot of lessons along the way. Ironically enough, the most important of those lessons have come from the very people I (as an “assistant director”) was supposed to be teaching – the Greensboro Fellows, themselves!

            From Tony, I've learned what it means to truly see others as created in God's image.
            From Michelle, I've learned what resiliency looks like in the face of grief.
            From Tressa, I've learned how to take the fullest advantage of the opportunities presented to me.
            From MT, I've learned how to lay my burdens at the cross when the world's pressures mount.
            From Rachel, I've learned to not be satisfied with easy answers.
            From Tom, I've learned to make the best of any situation and always persevere.
            And from Joey, I've learned how to fight against darkness and continue running toward the light.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Lead with Repentance


By Rachel Yowell

        This year, we have been challenged to think about a myriad of topics including, but not limited to sexuality, immigration, disability, marriage & singleness, Calvinism, radical hospitality, forgiveness, mission, and so much more. I have been challenged in my thinking in so many ways, I don’t quite know where to put it all! But it has been an incredible time of growth. Because I could talk for days on how much I’ve learned and what my thoughts are with all of it, I’m going to keep it simple, and highlight a few of the biggest takeaways.

         A few weeks ago, a few of us went to our diocese Blue Ridge Regional Conference in Roanoke, VA. The topic of discussion was sexuality and brokenness. At the core of our brokenness is loneliness. We were told that we can overcome the loneliness in others by radical hospitality. Not only does this apply for those who may be struggling with homosexuality, but anyone in our lives: the divorced mom, the widower, the refugee, the single man or woman, the mentally handicapped, the lost, everyone. After the main discussion, I chose to go to the session on how to minister to those struggling with same-sex attraction. Before discussing anything on the topic, we began the session with a time of confession and repentance. It was a huge reminder that we, ourselves, are broken and sinful and need to confess and repent before we are able to even begin helping someone else in their brokenness. We will not be in a place, or a proper mindset, to accept others in their brokenness and their struggles if we have not yet reflected on our own sin and brokenness. It is a good reminder that we need the Lord when we are helping our friends. We need the Lord when we extend forgiveness. Leading with repentance allows us to enter into those situations and view the other people rightly.  His grace is sufficient for you, for me, for the person dealing with same-sex attraction, for everyone. This directly coincides with one of the biggest things I have been learning about this year: forgiveness. Forgiving someone who wronged you is one of the hardest things to do as humans, yet it is one of the most necessary. Reflecting on our own shortcomings, and thanking the Lord for the forgiveness He has given us, allows us to forgive, and it is an incredibly freeing and life-giving thing to do! Forgiveness and repentance puts us in a position looking to Christ and not ourselves. This reminds me of my favorite devotional passage, which I revisit often, “Looking Unto Jesus” by Charles Spurgeon. He writes,

“It is ever the Holy Spirit’s work to turn our eyes away from self to Jesus; but Satan’s work is just the opposite, for he is constantly trying to make us regard ourselves instead of Christ...all of these thoughts are about self, and we shall never find comfort or assurance by looking within. But the Holy Spirit turns our eyes entirely away from self...We shall never find happiness by looking at our prayers, our doings, or our feelings; it is what Jesus is, not what we are that gives rest to the soul.”

          It makes sense that forgiveness, repentance, radical hospitality works: it turns our eyes away from ourselves and onto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). But it is so hard to forgive, repent, and put others way ahead of ourselves, because it is a call to die to ourselves. It is my hope that God’s family would live into that, and be set apart by how quickly we forgive, and by how radically hospitable we are, that we would go out of our way to overcome the loneliness in people lives.


          In other news, we are gearing up for our trip to Rwanda, which will round out our fellows year! So hard to believe it’s coming so quickly, but I can’t wait to meet, be with, learn from, and worship with our brothers and sisters across the ocean!

Monday, March 13, 2017

Find You Here

By Michelle Prillaman

Well, here again I meet this blog. Where I’m supposed to write thoughts and what’s happening in my life and what I’m learning. To be honest, this past year has been a train wreck. Multiple deaths in my family has left me struggling. Struggling with numbness. Struggling with connecting with others and with God. Struggling to focus. Life is hard. Death is hard. Pain is deep. Grieving is long. 20-year-old younger brothers aren’t supposed to get in a fatal car crash. Yet here we are. I really feel the groaning Paul talks about in Romans 8:22-23:
“We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirt, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies.”
We truly are not citizens of this painful world we live in. And all of creation is groaning, waiting for Jesus to make everything new like he promises in Revelation 21:5. And right now, I’m just stuck in that waiting. Praying that in the meantime, God would restore to me the joy of my salvation (Psalm 51:12).
            I’ve been listening to Ellie Holcomb’s new album, Red Sea Road, a lot this week. Just trying to remind myself of some truth since I don’t find myself in a great place right now. The song “Find You Here” is a reminder that God is
“Here when the healing hasn’t happened yet
Here in the middle of the desert place
Here in the middle when I cannot see your face”
Thankfully, God is still present when we don’t feel him and when things don’t make sense. Our pain and doubt aren’t too much for him. And just because things don’t make sense to me doesn’t mean God isn’t still working. I just need to work on really trusting that. God is still good. And we can grieve with hope. Anyways, that’s about all I’ve got since I’m not much of a writer. Feel free to listen to the song I mentioned in the video below!


Value of Community

By Tressa Czysz
Sometimes I try to do things all on my own. And by sometimes I mean most of the time. Thankfully, that's not the way that life is meant to be lived, and we are surrounded by people who pick us up when we're down, cheer us on when we succeed, and hand us a magnifying glass when we are squinting to read the fine print.

[Side note: I started writing this back in the fall, but never finished it, and am returning to it now. Hopefully, having just finished our 6th month of the program, I have insights and reflections that are even richer now that I have a little more experience as a Fellow.]
And the beauty of it all is that we're each very different, which makes it even more incredible the way that we work together and cover each other's weaknesses with our strengths. During our first full week we were at the Center for Creative Leadership for a three day orientation full of personality tests and team building. I am in awe of how intricately God has designed our class of fellows to complement each other and ultimately to bring glory to His Name through all that we do and accomplish together.
One interesting way that we got to see our personalities and strengths play out was by returning to Breakout Greensboro for another escape room challenge. Even more importantly than personality and strengths, in my opinion, was that we got to see how much we had grown together as a group and trusted each other. When someone found a clue, we gave them our attention and worked through it; this time around was much more of a team effort. We have certainly grown together through stories and hard times in our lives, but we have also had opportunities to celebrate together, and what a sweet gift that is!
As the end of the Fellows year is drawing closer and closer each day, I am saddened that our little family will never be exactly how it is in this season, but I am grateful for this experience and for the wonderful people that I have gotten to live in community with. And I'm grateful even more for the people that I have gotten to meet through or even outside of the program who I can already tell will also be dear friends for the years to come. 

May we never forget the value of community and friendship and sharing our lives with others!

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Blawg 3: Return of the Blawg

By Tom Barker

            Have I mentioned my intense dislike of blawging before?  I can’t help but feel pretentious, even if it isn’t pretentious.  Why should you, my dear reader, care about my thoughts and feelings?  I have no right to demand this, yet, that is what this platform feels like to me, even though it isn’t.  I guess I’ll tell myself it’s my job, and then this isn’t my fault.  I will assume that if you are reading this, then you care and if you care, then I appreciate your kindness.  Thus I will reward your kindness with vulnerability.  (Because I love you.)

About a year ago, I was diagnosed with mild, but chronic depression.  It was unsettling, but pretty obvious once I thought about it.  My experience has been a consistently negative thought pattern about myself and life.  I constantly beat myself down and try to convince myself to believe the worst of others, with frequent success.  A month ago, after a particularly frustrating day, it finally dawned on me: depression is an addiction.  Self-hatred is self-pity, self-pity is self-hatred.  It’s comforting to feel like a victim.  It takes responsibility away from you.  Feeling like other people don’t care because I don’t give them a chance make me feel powerful because through this I can lie to myself that I’m better than them.  Self-pity is pride.  

And yet, God didn’t create us this way.  God isn’t looking down on us, as we wallow is self-pity, saying “why don’t you just get better?”  Instead, I think He says, “I didn’t create you to be this way, I’m sorry that you experience this.”  As an important aside, I would never say that people’s hurts and pains are entirely manufactured, your problems do matter and deserve to be heard and listened to.  I’m asking: how do we encourage and validate people, while helping them see that their self-pity is the sin that is keeping them depressed?

This last week I began to feel angry, detached and somewhat discouraged again.  I was too prideful/afraid to talk about it.  As we have established, I don’t like imposing my problems on other people, even if they want to hear them.  But, it is dawning on me that dilemma represents both the problem and solution.  If I can say this without throwing up, Love is what binds and frees us.  A self-centered “what can I get” love is what makes us crinkle inward like wrapping paper.  (It isn’t even love at that point, its greed).  A surrendering, sacrificial love enables us to reach out.  As Dodd “takes the cake” Drake, Jack Cody and Jean Vainer (that’s three reputable sources, so you better listen) often say, we have to sit down and let God love us.  Without that example as our source we can never be free.  We can never open like a flower and receive the genuine love of others.  But to do that you have to beat pride, to beat pride, you have to beat apathy, and to beat apathy; you must unlock purpose and all you have to do to unlock purpose is to exist.

Take Luck.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Pray for the Moon



By Tony Nguyen


“What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down.  Hey.  That’s a pretty good idea.  I’ll give you the moon, Mary.” - George Bailey, It’s a Wonderful Life.

In a late night conversation I had with some Greensboro and Winston Fellows, we talked about prayer and desires.  We considered there’s much to learn from children and how they ask for things and what they ask for.  Often around Christmas time or birthdays, kids will get excited because they know they’ll get presents and, in preparation, they make wish lists.  Sometimes what’s on those lists are outrageous.  Among the typical asks such as games, toys, and clothes, one will find the requests of dreamers: a pet lion, a farm teeming with horses and chickens, or even the chance to meet your favorite soccer player in the world, Lionel Messi! (if only.) 

When most parents of such kids hear those requests, I imagine a sense of whimsy and disappointment falls on them because they’re probably thinking, “Man, my kid wants a lot of awesome stuff but I clearly do not have the means to get them XYZ.”

I’m painting this illustration to point out two truths that I believe will help inform us in our prayer life 

1.    Kids don’t know nor care for the legal, financial, or social implications of getting a pet lion for their birthday, all they know is Mommy and Daddy and that they pull through.  As one of my peers put it, “My young daughter wouldn’t ask me to buy her a farm if she didn’t think I could do it.”  Do we pray with the understanding that the Lord God, our Father in Heaven, Abba, Daddy does hear us and pulls through every time?  I hope we all take this to heart and feel it in our bones.


(Sidebar: I know this picture leaves things unsaid about broken families, neglect between parent and child, or even peers who neglect each other.  There’s also much to say about preventing our prayers from becoming shallow and idolatrous.  My point is that our prayers must begin with beholding who God is rightly.)

2.   If we do believe God is our loving Father and that He pulls through, why don’t we “pray for the moon” as my friend would say?  Do we pray for reconciliation, peace, joy beyond understanding, healing, or the desire to be obedient knowing that He is faithful to answer?

This second point brings to mind a deeper notion that I’m still meditating on: When we do pray in a posture as I’m describing and the Lord answers, will we have eyes to see and ears to hear?  Will we want what He gives us? Will we want Him in light of it?  I believe that’s where much of our frustration comes from in our walks with the Lord—when God is working in our lives and when he does answer prayer, we think He’s giving us a stone when we ask for bread.  Vice-versa, we may be praying for stones, unintentionally, but God knows we want bread.  It’s like when my baby host brother is asking for milk but doesn’t know how to say milk so it sounds like he’s asking for “cook”.  In that instance I know what he wants and I give him his bottle.

“If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” - John 15:7

Blessings,

TN