The War Within

written by Kinsley Craft

A couple of days ago (when all of Greensboro was shut down by a whopping 2 inches of snow) I was given the delight of coming home from work early and watching “Tangled” with my cousin Honey and some of her friends. I was pumped because I love this movie. And one scene in particular stuck out to me while I was watching it last week. Watch the first 45 seconds of this clip:

Love it. Rapunzel is living out the reality of my own heart. I nearly always have an internal debate going on within me: grace v law.

I sin; I mess up all the time. Sometimes I allow the loving waves of God’s grace to wash over me and bask in His unconditional love for me. In those moments I feel so free and liberated from the weight of my sin… in those moments are also when I tend to take liberties with His law. I do what I want because I am assured of His grace. Other times I am utterly aware of my failures and devastated by the realization of how broken I am. I grovel at the feet of Christ begging Him to take pity on my disgusting soul. I can flip-flop between these multiple times in the course of an hour… just like the scene from Tangled shows.

Paul talks about a similar feeling of internal conflict in Romans 7:14-25

“We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

I have always loved this passage because I identify with this internal struggle within Paul. Why do I do the things that I don’t want to do? Why I am unable to do the things I know that I should do? Why can I not be simultaneously aware of the overwhelming GRACE of God and guided by the direction of His LAW?

This year the Lord is teaching me more and more about how to live in this tension. His grace frees us, but not to do whatever we want. He frees us to worship Him fully. God is just, and His laws are good. BUT they are HARD to obey. We have to fight against the sinful nature within us. The only way we can win the fight is by letting Him fight for us. As I become more aware of the Lord’s grace in my life, my desire to obey Him is strengthened.

I still have my “tangled” moments when I am fluctuating between joy and despair. When I am overwhelmed by His love then overwhelmed by my sin… and the cycle continues. But Jesus steps into that tension more and more. Teaching me to be aware of His grace and His law. Recognizing that I will never be perfect and always be in need of both in order to live for Him. Jesus steps into my internal war and reminds me that He has already won. He won 2,000 years ago when He chose to take on every sin I would ever commit, yet He still loves me.

Romans 7:25

“Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!”